another thing from the internet

On wood s lot today I saw first this picture of Paul Valéry:



and I thought, wow, look at how elegant he is, with that hand. And then I read the quote next to it, "Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them," and thought, oh, ha. Hmm.

But then, at the bottom of the entry was a bonus Valéry quote:




"God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through."





Fuck, Valéry, who were you? That's beautiful.

I got out of school at noon today! After grocery shopping, this is how I have spent my time. Clearly the rush of freedom overwhelmed.

I had an idea for a new kind of post for me. It would be like a round-up of what I have looked at on the internet today. Sometimes I wonder if anyone I know reads what I read, or if they would be interested if they happened across it. Sometimes I ask people; most of the time I do not bother. BUT MAYBE THIS WILL BE INTERACTIVE FUN, HERE ON THE CLOCKKILL, MY 4 DEVOTED READERS.
Ok:
Hmm, this might be harder than I thought, because I have an rss reader and so

well anyway, I caught up on this and thought the Zippy the Pinhead entry was pretty funny.

I heard a fun song from here.

I looked at this business and wondered how anyone could be at all surprised. And, who are the Democrats who would be pleased?
?
Ok, NY times. Psh.

I looked at this excitement, which was funny to me because of yesterday's Salon advice column. Which, somehow, was really funny to me in the first place. Anyway, I vote Big Crunch. You?

OH: that slate article was the first of TWO David Letterman references I read on the internet today. Here is the second one, on silly Pitchfork. I really like David Letterman references.
Antony is cool. If you have not heard him and would like to, let me know. Sometimes I don't like chummy interviews, because you know, who the fuck is Martin? Should I know this Drew guy? He has worked with Bjork, apparently. But, then, I like how relaxed they are, and I like some of their little jokes, and so I vote Yes on this chummy interview. Whatever I would be assenting to. Its existence?

I think this other article on Pitchfork today is kind of lame, but I usually think that guy is lame. It's food for thought and all, because yeah women don't get as much respect, and yeah the sexualization/condescension happens and is stupid. But, also, is Chan Marshall not a complete nutter? Offer me evidence to back this interesting assertion. She is also a very good artist, but...let's not go so far as to deny the nutsiness. Ditto Fiona.

Also today I went to Ticketmaster and saw there are apparently no good concerts coming to Portland anytime soon.

Is this completely boring? I HAVE NO IDEA.

I also go to the largehearted boy blog, because he links to interesting stuff usually. So go there and look at today's Shorties and let's see if we click the same links.

I clicked on the Ricky Gervais/Christopher Guest one, and the Liz Phair/feminism one, and the William S. Burroughs/David Bowie one.
Did we match?
I liked the Liz Phair one best. The Bowie interview was kind of crap. I read this huge, awful nytimes article yesterday I think by Maureen Dowd, about feminism these days. And it comes up when I'm talking with people at school, the feminism. So it has been on my mind lately.
It makes me tired, how stupid people are. How stupid and self-defeating. Oh, I forget to say why the Dowd article was dumb. I guess the generalizations, the frequent "young women are like this" statements that flabbergast me as a young woman.
I was going to write a lot more about feminism and how confusing it is, but it made me so tired to try to figure out what I'm saying. Stuff about how weird it is for me to be going into elementary school teaching, but women should be able to be in any profession, and sex should be a positive, not shunned by feminists, but also...what is with people these days? Why...god. I think female chauvinist pigs are gross.
TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON FEMINISM, LOYAL READERS. Or thoughts on anything else. I wonder if I will try to update more often. Maybe.

I cannot stop eating quesadillas. Seriously, people: like the Irish, before their potato famine, had the potatoes as a staple of the diet, so I have my quesadillas. What catastrophe will come between me and the quesadillas I scarcely dare contemplate.

But the end result here will be a belly, a like-I-am-several-months-along-the-way belly, stuck upon my slender frame. Oh, cheese. Such comfort; such betrayal.

I should stop drinking so much.




I have spare time tonight and no one to talk to and I refuse to do anything productive, REFUSE.

I am starting to think the kid in my practicum class who looks like James Coburn maybe doesn't look as much like him as I'd first felt. This is so sad. Maybe today was an off day for his face.

Ok, I'm done with this entry.

I've been trying to think lately of my last words to people, because I think I said some recently ("goddamn it, x"). Anyway, just now I was looking over my emails to this kid I was supposed to mentor but who ran away, and I found the weirdest, saddest ones I'll have in some time I bet:
"Well, I'll see you Monday, X. More donkey-sewing fun!"


Man. If you only knew about the donkeys. The sewing of the donkeys. The futility.

I don't know why I feel the need to share things that have such poor odds of being understood by anyone who's not me, but such is my blog mon ami. If that is, indeed, how one spells ami.

It is so weird that I have things to look forward to today. I don't quite trust them.

There is a Bob Dylan song, on vol 2 of his bootlegs I believe, called "She's Your Lover Now," in which he says this thing, that, going by lyrical context, is....
it's mystifying. And he sings it so vehemently:
"I....CAN'T...EVEN....REMEMBER EL PASO, HONEYYYYYYYYY"

I have been up all night (damn schoolwork) and that lyric, for some reason, is what I keep telling myself.

I was just looking over the author bio for the very boring story I am trying to incorporate into my graph lesson (it's the story the kids are assigned that week), and learned a)the author wrote this story when she was 82 and b)her other books include How Do Birds Find Their Way? and Let's Go Rock Collecting.


LET'S GO ROCK COLLECTING.

I have found this extremely funny for about 5 or 10 minutes now. Maybe I'm alone in the hilarity, I don't know. But next time I'm sitting through someone's rote teaching, I've got a new in-joke with myself. It's the little things, buddy, that get me through.

sometimes i see old jokes i've made, and i laugh.

http://flickr.com/photos/k_lund/43086128/in/photostream/

Unlikely Reminder of Top Gun Theme Song

"Harriet Miers is in a real danger zone," said Lee Epstein, a political scientist at Washington University in St. Louis.

I love this site, because it shows me interesting amazing stuff I've never heard of, like this, made by him, who also made over 200 other dazzling, bizarre things.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to miss me. I can't quite imagine it.

So also today I got notice that my private loan (3910.00/semester) is somehow nonexistent. This is months after I received my refund check from the school. Last time I had any reason to believe there were problems with the school processing the loan was in July. Last sentence I wrote on the matter, to the head of the financial aid dept: "Let me know if there's anything more you need me to do." There was never a reply.
Luckily my parents happen to have the funds to cover this semester, but wow.

This fucking school.



Tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting, with the director of the program, about the program. My probable dropout friend and the good professor will be there too. I don't have any idea how it will go. Frustrating or cathartic, it seems like a good thing to do.

I need to add a good thing about my day. Other than the luck of my parents having 3900 bucks to spare. Really though, I should be thankful enough for that.

Ok: I was really good at learning kids' names today. Oh, also: my old class was happy to see me in the halls. They've maybe missed me a little.
And, I have looked uglier.

apathy was way easier

Today is the first day I meet my new class. We have two classes we student-teach in, in this program: the main one, which we visit first and do a work sample in last; the practicum, which comes in the middle and is much shorter but where we do our first work sample. A work sample is a bunch of lesson plans, with a bunch of technical shit thrown in, with observations by the master teacher and a professor.

I don't know if I should be a teacher at all. I especially do not know if I should be an elementary teacher. I will never wear seasonal earrings. I will never, as one of my odious professors puts it, "spunk up". I do not believe bright red, bright yellow, and bright blue are the only three colors children can appreciate.

I am nervous about going into this new classroom. I am worried I will go in, and all the problems I have been having with the ideologies, the essence, of my main 3 willamette professors, that I can't back up my objections with actual good teaching.

I am trying to not be nervous, but I am only thinking this morning of my lacks, conservativism, and my friend who is probably dropping out of the program this week. I have been telling myself, "It will get better once you're in the classroom, once you're with the kids." I haven't felt that yet. And what if I won't. And how do I keep interacting with people I dislike so much, who anger and sadden me so much? There are a few other people in the program who are ok and even sometimes good to talk to, but not as good as the person dropping out. There is a good professor who I talk to. But this is the kind of thing I will be facing constantly in this profession, people who are not in it to empower kids, who only say they are. People who want to conserve the status quo, and it sounds so deafeningly lefty to put it that way, but god. Don't they have problems with how society is? Do they even think, for a moment, about....about anything behind what their lives are?

I have to find something decent to wear and leave on time.

Thanks, people who have already listened to me rant at length on this topic among other things. It helps, even if I continue to sound like it doesn't.

I have talked to you about Townes Van Zandt before, I'm sure, both in this blog and individually, and you know I'm obsessive already so fine. Fine.
But listen to this song.
Oh my gosh, this song.
I fall madly in love with it about every month or so, for at least a week at a time. I don't know, I haven't actually kept such exact records, but you see what I'm saying.

Here it is, link goes dead in 7 days: http://s4.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0A4BSU312WFR0230B9R3Y7MZTE

Here is why it's awesome:
THE LYRICS TO ONE OF THE BEST SONGS EVER, BY MR. TOWNES "WHAT A DREAMBOAT" VAN ZANDT:

Won't say I love you, babe,
Won't say I need you, babe,
But I'm gonna get you babe
And I will not do you wrong.
Living's mostly wasting time
And I'll waste my share of mine
But it never feels too good,
So let's don't take too long.
You're soft as glass
And I'm a gentle man;
We got the sky to talk about
And the earth to lie upon.


Days, up and down they come
Like rain on a conga drum
Forget most, remember some
But don't turn none away.
Everything is not enough
And nothin' is too much to bear.
Where you been is good and gone
All you keep is the getting there.


To live is to fly
All low and high,
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes.


It's goodbye to all my friends
It's time to go again
Think of all the poetry
And the pickin' down the line
I'll miss the system here
The bottom's low
And the treble's clear
But it don't pay to think too much
On things you leave behind.
Well I may be gone
But it won't be long
I will be a'bringin' back the melodies
And rhythm that i find.


We all got holes to fill
And them holes are all that's real.
Some fall on you like a storm,
Sometimes you dig your own.
The choice is yours to make,
And time is yours to take;
Some dive into the sea,
Some toil upon the stone.


To live is to fly
All low and high,
So shake the dust off of your wings
And the sleep out of your eyes;


Shake the dust off of your wings
And the tears out of your eyes.

prostitutes in thailand; unforgiveable mime

When you make a Magnetic Fields compilation for a person, because WOW this person should adore them and he doesn't, well what happens is that you then get sucked back into a crazy magneticfieldslove vortex, and for weeks and maybe by the end of it months you will have a loop of those damn catchy songs running through your head, resulting in heightened sullenness, moodiness, vastly increased mention of both moons and dancing, and the darnedest non sequiturs invading your waking and sleeping thoughts.

Why Nobody Should Ever Make Conversation With Me

21:00] Admiral Fancy: i am reading "those who walk away" by patricia highsmith
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: so far, good
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: only on 2nd chapter though
[21:00] neducsd03: i'm reading Peace like a river
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: i am not familiar with that one
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: good?
[21:00] neducsd03: yeah..
[21:00] neducsd03: i'm liking it
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: cool
[21:00] Admiral Fancy: what's it about?
[21:01] neducsd03: a family..
[21:01] neducsd03: the mom is dead.
[21:01] Admiral Fancy: my goodness
[21:01] neducsd03: the eldest son kills two guys who took kidnapped his sister
[21:02] Admiral Fancy: yikes
[21:02] neducsd03: the dad brother and sister.. returned.. look for the brother..
[21:02] neducsd03: as he broke out of jail.
[21:02] neducsd03: the dad gets sick..
[21:02] Admiral Fancy: and dies?
[21:02] neducsd03: and is full of faith
[21:02] Admiral Fancy: a horrid death?
[21:02] Admiral Fancy: and full of pain?
[21:02] neducsd03: prays a lot and is a believer
[21:03] Admiral Fancy: i am never reading this book, i think
[21:03] neducsd03: the middle son...
[21:03] Admiral Fancy: dies too?
[21:03] Admiral Fancy: in agony?
[21:03] neducsd03: looks outside at the dad and sees him pacing back and forth on the porch...
[21:03] Admiral Fancy: and kills him?
[21:03] Admiral Fancy: thinking he's an intruder?
[21:04] neducsd03: except that he is so engrossed in prayer.. he does not realize that he is walking on air ... the son cannot explain it
[21:04] Admiral Fancy: um
[21:04] neducsd03: its a good book
[21:04] neducsd03: give me a break
[21:04] Admiral Fancy: i would, but my goodness
[21:04] Admiral Fancy: that sounds horrible
[21:04] neducsd03: its not that bad
[21:04] Admiral Fancy: if you say so
[21:04] neducsd03: the mom was dead to begin with
[21:04] Admiral Fancy: that's supposed to make me feel better?
[21:04] neducsd03: yeah
[21:05] Admiral Fancy:
[21:05] neducsd03: sf chronicle says "Peace LIke a river serves as a reminder of why we read fiction to begin with"
[21:06] Admiral Fancy: "to laugh long and loud"
[21:06] Admiral Fancy: "in incredulity"
[21:06] Admiral Fancy: you are never going to talk to me again

my favorite text message i typed today: "did you get my last msg? I KNOW MEXICANS"

my favorite thing i heard today: "a noun is anything you can throw in a black box."
it actually made sense in context.
so awesome.


what else

i'm wearing a teal sweater and bright red t-shirt, that has a happy face on it because it's from some preschool, and the face barely shows over the zipped up opening of the sweater. i should probably, i think, wear this for half of my lifetime.

EDIT:




i have been sucking with this blog lately. i would talk to you about a few reasons why, BUT I AM GONNA BE ALL CLOSEMOUTHED INSTEAD, because such is the privilege of blogging.
well. ok, here are the main excuses: lots of schoolwork, lots of angst over how fucking retarded my school is, some illness, and OH a social life, kind of.

it's really dark around here lately, in the morning and at night. you getting that over there too? i bet so.

Yesterday/today I wrote about 20 pages of Times New Roman, 12 pt font, double-spaced crap.

I was going to say more about that day, and then tell you how it was not a fun day. But I forget the rest of the day.

Here is an example of the state of my vocabulary after such a...you know, thing: I can't find my concealer this morning and so say to myself, "Ohhh. Big bummer."

nevermind that i have three papers due monday

new photos up here.

Wow, I Just Wrote This In A Paper

I found one aspect of the results particularly interesting: that he seldom felt only one smiley face encompassed his emotions on any one topic, often coloring in all three.

I've missed the past two episodes of Arrested Development.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.