Nothing

This afternoon I drove home to Salem after having spent several days in Portland, doing things, or not doing things but not feeling bad about that because I was Not Doing Things, with my boyfriend rather than the kind of Not Doing Things that happens alone.

When I came home, there was a fire truck and ambulance in my apartment parking lot, and though no one seemed frantic or intense I had the brief thought that I somehow burned down my apartment, in perhaps a uniquely slow-burning fire taking 4 days to actually blaze, but no, my landlord explained it was just a man with recurrent health problems who does not seem to be near death.
Anyway, it all felt very quiet somehow. It's weird, a fire truck and ambulance at your apartment complex making you feel more like nothing will happen today than you felt before, but that's what it was like.


I was feeling bad about how I've spent my day, ashamed of my laziness or whatever, because I want to be a person who gets things done, who feels proactive and in-control.
But, then, I thought maybe in life it's better to be happy with your decisions once in awhile. So:
For hours now I have been fooling around on the internet, listening to music, drinking beer and reading a new book; sitting on my ass, in my dark cave of an apartment!
Soon I will watch a television show.
I might have to leave the house to get some ice cream or a smoothie, but outside of that I do not see myself going out there. I detest warmth.