red is pretty

Today my first work sample was due, which is a kind of big deal, and whoooeee. I had the hugest block against doing anything on it, I ...

I was about to go into more detail and then realized there is no reason you should care. Anyway, that got turned in this afternoon, and then after that was a mandatory "celebration" for the program, with activities and very tiny kind of weirdly preservativey brownies. Some people said they were good.

So I was going to talk to you about the last activity, blocking the rest from my brain best I can--in that one, we had to, in our guide groups, write nice things about each person in one other guide group, and then we ALL WENT AROUND THE CONFERENCE ROOM READING THE CERTIFICATES WITH THE NICE THINGS OUT LOUD for like eons. It was so ineffably MAT, on this day when all of us are drained and stressed about the work samples, at the end of a full week, with another busy week ahead of us, and then the damn holidays, and they decide to make us spend over an hour in the late afternoon doing frivolous bullshit.

Ok, but what I really came here to talk about was the nice stuff my certificate said. I wasn't sure what to expect, because some people might know me a little, I talk somewhat here, but then again I might still come off quiet and "nice" or something, so I was not sure what would go on with mine, and was at peace with the "kind," "intelligent" or whatever, just please people read faster, we have been here so long already. But then I got my certificate, and it says it is presented to me for "bringing in new perspectives" and "standing up for what you believe in". I spent a good 5 minutes really touched and in love with this version of myself. Then I felt silly, because whatever, why should I care one way or the other about things said about me by people who don't even know me well? And then
ha
this is the best thing
then I started to think, you know, this sounds kind of like a self-righteous, humorless pest.
Maybe I'm totally an annoying crank.
I BET I AM.
Probably more accurately I am both annoying crank and, uh, the nice way of saying crank, but wow, what a weird activity. You try it, get even people who know you to try to compliment you, and see how weird compliments can be.
So, to review this week's lessons:
Never compliment me.
Wearing a Kermit head is the surest way to my heart.

I don't know why I'm sitting at the computer, after my damn work sample. I must be lonely.