Here's a thing about me: I never get over anyone, ever. I often think I almost do, but then, ha ha, no.

I'm going to talk about the song "To Ramona" by Bob Dylan. It's not on the new album, I am, believe it or not, slightly digressing from that particular obsession, to my more general Dylan obsession I guess among other things.

I first heard the song fairly recently, a few months ago, because I never got the album it's from. MP3 blog.
Here are the words

Ramona, come closer,
Shut softly your watery eyes.
The pangs of your sadness
Will pass as your senses will rise.
The flowers of the city
Though breathlike, get deathlike sometime.
And there's no use in tryin'
To deal with the dying,
Though I cannot explain that in lines.

Your cracked country lips,
I still wish to kiss,
As to be by the strength of your skin.
Your magnetic movements
Still capture the minutes I'm in.
But it grieves my heart, love,
To see you tryin' to be a part of
A world that just don't exist.
It's all just a dream, babe,
A vacuum, a scheme, babe,
That sucks you into feelin' like this.

I can see that your head
Has been twisted and fed
With worthless foam from the mouth.
I can tell you are torn
Between staying and returning
Back to the South.
You've been fooled into thinking
That the finishing end is at hand.
Yet there's no one to beat you,
No one t' defeat you,
'Cept the thoughts of yourself feeling bad.

I've heard you say many times
That you're better than no one
And no one is better than you.
If you really believe that,
You know you have
Nothing to win and nothing to lose.
From fixtures and forces and friends,
Your sorrow does stem,
That hype you and type you,
Making you feel
That you gotta be just like them.

I'd forever talk to you,
But soon my words,
Would turn into a meaningless ring.
For deep in my heart
I know there's no help I can bring.
Everything passes,
Everything changes,
Just do what you think you should do.
And someday maybe,
Who knows, baby,
I'll come and be crying to you.


These are good words. These are good words for when you feel in trouble, in ways large and small, when you feel sad. So I took to them, but also:
this person
There was this person I loved, who really I was only friends with such a short time. And after college I moved back home to Bakersfield, sort of losing my mind; somehow, when I moved, maybe before, maybe later, I don't know, we stopped being friends.
It might help to mention we listened to Dylan a lot together, in fact I've never had another friend who liked Dylan as much as I do other than this person. But then, I don't make that many friends, really.
It meant a lot to me to know this person, and a lot to lose this person, and when I hear this song
it doesn't make that much sense
but when I hear this song, it seems like this is what the person would have said to me
basically
without the first half of the second stanza. Yeah, other than that part, it feels like he could have said almost those exact words to me.
If we had stopped communicating so badly for just a minute, if I had stopped believing the worst of him and he had stopped
I don't even know.

He treated me really badly, very badly without explaining why, ever
so this is probably stupid
but sometimes I think this is even still what he would say to me.

I am a deeply ridiculous person.