the antisocial agoraphobe's motivational speech

soon I will get up to make brownies. I just went to the grocery store for vegetable oil, which somehow seems like something no one should ever have to buy. well, i didn't just go. maybe i got back 30 minutes ago. I'm just tired, so tired, and I got sidetracked downloading a lot of mp3 blog songs, and now I cannot sit up straight, and I can't make coffee to stay up to make brownies. Then I won't sleep and I have to sleep because my eyes, man, my fucking dark-circled eyes. I have to make brownies because of a picnic. I forgot to tell you. Because I have to go to a picnic tomorrow evening for the program, because if I don't go then I am just asking to not make any friends ever again, but. but you know it will suck. but i need to go. and to go i need brownies. and for brownies i need to get up. but i kind of right now would rather just drop out of school.
yes.
go to sleep, stay asleep, till 3 in the afternoon, and then walk walk walk from here to downtown, alone, to the record store i like, and buy my belated present to my mother, and buy the new new pornographers album. the one song i like a lot already is something spanish techno. i bet it will make me feel a little happy, that album. i need to get out of my townes van zandt rut, at least temporarily. so yes, i will walk and walk all alone and not talk to anyone for maybe another 5 years.

i am really lonely, but i so hate talking to people most of the time. isn't that stupid.

ok so i won't drop out of school. new plan. i will get up, eventually, and make brownies, and it will smell good and then i can go to sleep to the smell of brownies, after reading the thing i'm supposed to read for a class tomorrow. and i will get up early and go get coffee in the morning. and i will be at school so goddamn early i will get the best parking space and they all can suck it, those fuckers who take the good parking. and during lunch i can go walk downtown, and deposit my checks and so have money to buy those cds that are in the record store which is not that far from the bank. and i won't have to talk to anyone then. just before and later. but all this would mean i have to get up now.