fucking six feet under

Today is my first day of school! Whee!
Tonight I stayed up all night, because I have serious mental problems a)where paper procrastination is concerned and b)where first days are concerned and c)in general and also also also I had to stay up to wait for the Six Feet Under finale to come to me! It took a very long time, but that was good, because I only finished editing my paper about 20 minutes before it did finish. I've watched it twice now. Made me laugh, made me cry: all one can ask for in an entertainment! Made me cry for the characters, like they were real people, and then made me cry for real people, including myself. Cathartic and yet also: it is 6 in the morning and I have been up all night feeling weird and emotional and now I am very lonely. That's the thing with a show about life and death, it makes you get all serious and touchy feely, and I miss my mommy whose birthday it was todayesterday. And my dad always looks so old, and he's sad because he did badly at his big gun match. And my brother was home for my mom's birthday, on his way to visit our grandparents. How he got to be such a good boy I do not know, but I miss thinking we were close. A long time ago I took for granted we were. And I miss my dogs, like seriously. And they weren't even my dogs for most of their lives, but now they are kind of really and yet they're not and I live so far away, and should a person miss dogs this much? It is silly, but they live so short a time, you know?
Fucking Six Feet Under.
I am going to shower, and then I will have a lot of school and a lot of talking to people. It will be a nice change.