What with this and that, I'm moving to Portland earlier than I even planned, when I was moving earlier than planned. I am leaving this Wednesday. I should be there around 11 pm local time. Wowzee.

I have seen my mouse twice so far today, in my own personal rooms, rather than just knowing it was around in the kitchen. Disturbing, I tell you. I have more in common with the eeek stand on a table types than I would have assumed. In broad daylight it was out! Who is to say what it will attempt when I try to sleep? This is not why I am moving earlier, but it helps.

When I worked in New York

• I held 4 students back from physical altercations---all students under the age of 10 I believe.
• I was looked up and down with contempt by a 3rd grade girl. She seemed to be trying to intimidate me.
  
• I tried reading to pre-K classes for 30-40 minutes; you try, see how long till you want to strangle them.
• I learned that kids aren't into the book Magic Beach.
• I introduced myself over and over, my last name misunderstood consistently the first several times I said it, whether by teacher or student.
  
• I grew to hate another human being over a disagreement on the logic of mailbox placement.
• A small wooden block was thrown at me, and there was no consequence, because it was then the least of my problems.
• I was in three of the worst classrooms I have ever been in. The top 3 worst.
  
• I was in a couple of the quietest classrooms I've ever been in.
• None of the classes had more than 16 students, most around 10.
• I racked up another instance of my gender being a point of confusion for someone mentally disabled.
• I was asked if I was from England.
• Or Scotland.
• Because I sure talk like I am. (?)
  
• I was asked if I was from Puerto Rico.
• I yelled at students.
• I asked an entire classroom, at the top of my voice, What was wrong with them. I am not sorry. I still want to know.
• I saw a teacher pull one of her hefty 6th grade students out of his chair and out of the room, while he held onto the metal and wood chair with one hand. This was after he threw books, pencils, and a plastic box at the girl sitting across from him.
• I saw a first year teacher endure a week of constant yelling at his students, unable to ever get control. I tried to not yell, in that classroom, and could not get control alone, but instead needed the presence of 2 males. The teacher was reassigned, and another first year teacher was made to take his place. This one has air force experience.
• A student got suspended for not minding me, for threatening to leave the classroom and go home, but mostly for saying "white people." That is what the principal thought I was quitting over, until I corrected her. This incident doesn't bother me nearly as much as others. My quitting was more about the overall ridiculousness of my professional situation here, and the oddity of me being at this end of the country at all.
  
• I turned down students' offers to help me with vehemence. I don't know what it was, but they made me feel like it was an attempt to take control from me.
  
• I roughly pried a student's arms from around me, saying, "Do not hug me." He hugged me right after having another student in a headlock, and when I objected, said "I'm sorry" and hugged.
  
• An experienced teacher told me, "I can't believe this. I did not get into teaching to be a correctional officer."
  
• I saw teachers talk to their students in ways I hope to never. But does it work?
• The teacher of the best-behaved class has a poster in her room listing the things "mean teachers" do, such as expecting the best of students, demanding work be completed on time, etc. She never smiled once, even when I said, "Such a nice class. So mature."
  
• The coworkers nicest to me were first-year teachers. All but one was male. There was definitely a better ratio of male:female teachers than in most elementary schools. I don't know what conclusion I'm drawing from this.
  
• I had a cold, and often, I think, looked like I needed to sleep or cry. I probably wouldn't have minded either.
• I ate alone in a park a block away, overlooking another elementary school's play yard, if you can call concrete a yard, watching children play roughly and insanely, wondering if I forgot other kids being rough and insane when I was growing up.
  
• I was fascinated with the staff room, so long as no one else was there.
• I can't think of anything else. It was hard, I didn't like it, I could never have had a class here on my own with no preparation and a fucked-up system. I also would never have stopped feeling condescending for being white in a school with no white students that I recall seeing.
  

Life's weird.

I have some photos on flickr showing a bit of Queens, and some of the school I was at briefly. I forget what else is up there. Bushwick stuff maybe.

A few more posts over here.

THINGS I WANT VERY BADLY TO BUY

WHICH IS TOO BAD SEEING AS HOW I HAVE NO SPENDING MONEY WHAT WITH DECIDING TO MOVE ACROSS COUNTRY AGAIN

SWEATER


(ONLY QUESTION: THE BURGUNDY OR THE BLACK?)





T-SHIRT




OTHER T-SHIRT





BOOTSES





TOTE




sigh, the avarice.

plans

I'm gonna move to Portland soon. By October.

Counterintuitively maybe, I feel things are working out. I think this is going to be good.

I am not the person who made the plans to move to New York anymore. So the hell with those plans.


Of course I'm a little afraid. I don't know how anyone keeps from being at least a little afraid all the time. But I also feel like space is opening up around me. I feel like there's more air.

another post on the vox blog. you know, if you wanted to try one out for a spin, you don't even have to make a post. and then you could comment on that pretty page. aaaand you could maybe join the blogging fun once again.......

i should start making private posts over there thus making you sign up. though, probably, then you would just stop reading me, Readership.